Like A Rock........

What a week.... and it's far from over. I'm popping this post up, because sometimes timing is more important than correct words and perfect punctuation. I have a sense that there are a few others that are feeling some intensity right now.

I tend to want to fast forward through those times and "get to the good stuff" but really I wouldn't be doing myself a favor; lessons are abundant when you barely have time to fix your hair shower. (I really don't fix my hair....)

Something that I've become aware of this week is that what I've always thought was a fault is actually a HUGE gift. There's a concept in Access Consciousness that asks, "What if the wrongness of you is really the rightness of you."  For years, I've been told all kinds of things about myself, some really positive and some really cruel. I used to take everything to heart and feel really bad about what people would say or what I heard was being said about me. I knew the truth, but I felt the need for other people to know it as well. This is a complete fallacy, an impossible feat. We all have our points of view and some of these are set in stone. Like the boulders above..... they just don't seem to move. It take a lot of effort to try to convince someone of something they want to believe, even if it isn't true. I'm shocked at the amount of time I've spent trying to turn the train around, let alone change the tracks. I've come to the awareness that it's simply time to just jump off the old train.

The new train (of thought) I've adopted is far more sleek and nimble than the old one. Though the words, situations and descriptions still ring in my mind, they don't seem to have the staying power, there's nothing to make them "stick". I've gotten used to hearing how stubborn I am and for the longest time, I believed that it was a BAD thing. I tried to change it, to go with the flow, to relax, to bend, flex, mold and morph into something/someone "softer, kinder, more gentle". It just didn't work.

This week things have been more constricted than what I've experienced. I have had a lot of realizations come to the surface and the demands of my daily life have intensified, I feel like my life is happening at the speed of "light". I had a moment today where I realized that it's a damn GOOD thing that I am as stubborn as I am. Without this trait, I'm quite sure I would have perished a long time ago and this week would have melted me for sure. I'm tired and I'm less "patient" than I normally am (oh hell, who I am kidding I'm as impatient as they come), but I am here and I am not imploding or buckling with the amount of projects that I have on my plate. I'm not buckling and I'm not bitching either. I'm here, living my life, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. You can bet your sweet smile that I am packing as much as possible into my days and I do look forward to flopping into my awesomely comfortable bed, but I am not bemoaning the fact that I am in this life/position/location. I've asked for it. I've chosen it and I am taking responsibility for it. I am also claiming all the gifts of myself and I'm putting them to good use! Yes, I am stubborn and that has given me the drive, determination and focus to pull off some tasks this week that would have made me crawl into a hole and bawl on the "old train".  

I had a little pattern of caving into overwhelm, wanting someone to rescue me, cry my eyes out, get pissed off, pick myself up, finish the damn project and then look back and wonder what all the fuss was about....... yeah, I used to not be all that fun to live with. I also never claimed my true power before. Even I was afraid of how potent I could be. I suspect that many of us haven't yet tapped into some of these "wrongnesses" that are really "rightnesses".

I'm quite sure that being "as stubborn as a mule" could be seen as less than wonderful. I'm now seeing that being stubborn can make me "steady as a rock" when I need to be, when I choose to be. Most of the time, I prefer to keep it light, keep it fluid, but sometimes that's not what the environment, project, situation or relationship calls for. There are times when my inner muscle, brain power, will power, determination, focus and drive is needed. The conflict came when I denied and/or forgot that I had any of those. Flexibilty + adaptability + awareness are the tracks of this new train and they seem to be making for a much smoother ride.

Just for fun, think of a trait that someone has criticized you about, made you feel less than, guilty, ashamed....wrong. Ask yourself, what if this your gift? What could change in your life if you were able to jump on to a different train where this was an AMAZING trait, one that brought value, contribution and power to your life? You don't have to have an answer, in fact, do not even try to come up with one. Just ask the questions and then see what happens. It's taken me several months to abandon the old tracks and to fully adapt to the ones. Times like today, I can tell I'm on the right train and it's full steam ahead!

No More Road Blocks

― Michelle Casto

“The only person who is spiritually smart is the one who has learned how to learn, unlearn, and change directions instantly, and start all over again, if your soul calls for it.”

During my time in Moab, I took a ton of pictures. This one is unedited, straight off the iphone and it represents what I've previously worked with.... a few boulders. While they only exist in my mind, they felt as big and real and as impossible to move as these huge formations found in Moab. Looks like I'm going to run the car straight into that rock. Funny, that's how I previously ran my life, moving from one boulder to the next, always waiting for the big one to squash me......

Clearly that wasn't the case, since I am here to write about boulders and things that block our happiness, truth and light. There is a vast difference in how something appears in our lives, how it feels and how it looks. We tend to believe what our eyes tell us and many of us tend to buy into our feelings and emotions as real, rather than use them as guides. Instead of being aware of something feeling as heavy as a rock or as light a feather, we tend to believe that feedback instead of using it as an internal compass. Feelings are designed to point us to to the due North of our Souls. When events, situations, aspects, relationships start to sag, drop, wobble and feel like lead, that's an indication that something's off. It's time to stop, look around assess one's surroundings, and take a break. "What's here? What is this?" The answers vary, so save yourself precious time....don't try to go after them. Just ask and be present. This isn't something to "figure out". The mind becomes like a  quicksand, easily sucking you into past hurts, ripe with pain and abundant victimhood scenes, old tapes, behaviors and patterns. Just notice what's here. Observe your inner and outer surroundings. Get your bearings. You can't go forward if you don't even know where you really are {in your life.....or in your car}. 

How do you get rid of a boulder in the road? You undo all the "earth" that is holding it there in the first place. You see the rock wouldn't exist if it didn't have a bit of soil to rest upon. The soil is like the concrete of our thoughts and beliefs. The more we lament about that block, the heavier the mass becomes. "Bitchin and maonin aint gonna move that boulder, baby." Unlearning, undoing and un-patterning ourselves from the trench we've dug, is what creates a new path. 

This is no easy task. If you aren't a fan of "road construction" you'll loathe this even more. However, the outcome often opens into a much more expanded, smooth road. There may still be some bumps, but if you really follow your thoughts and your knowing, these pebbles will remain small enough to maneuver around and in many cases, they won't even be noticeable. 

We make problems in our lives a lot bigger and more significant than they really need to be. This likely comes from the tendency to defend ourselves, stand up and fight for what we know is right. (Dammit, listen to me!!!!!) When in truth, in every situation and relationship we have the choice of creating a boulder (super stuck energy) or creating a path with other options. If we really pay attention, we can wake up in the middle of our "story" and course correct. 

I'm a previous master boulder builder. I would work myself into a frenzy of deadlines, should's, need to's, ought to's, have to's and.....what if's, "That's never going to happen. Why can't this change? What am I doing wrong? Things NEVER go my way (a previous favorite trench digger.)" I'd worry that I wouldn't get done with a project, meet a deadline or that what I was working on would totally implode (and it often did because I expected it to.) I'd stop myself before I really got started or I'd work to figure out an outcome, because I just "knew" that's how it would go. I look back on some of the things I thought I had to do, thought I knew and believed was set in stone and I must say, I'm shocked..and curious. I now wonder if the outcomes for some situations would have been different if I had been willing to unlearn what I thought I knew then. It's never to too late, I'm unlearning on a daily basis now. 

 I didn't give myself a break and I seldom stopped to consider what other options were around. If I had my eye one something, I was relentless in making it happen. It did happen too, and the results were NEVER what I expected them to be. Nothing is ever how we think it will be when we finally arrive.... that's because energies, circumstances, people, relationships and EVERYTHING is in a constant state of change. We are in motion all the time, no matter if we realize it or not. We appear to be "in one place" but a simple 3rd grade science lesson reminds us that the earth is always turning. It makes sense then that the challenges that become stuck are ones that have we've made that way. They appear to be non-moving because we haven't given them an opportunity to change. We add more weight every time we buy the illusion that the boulder is real.

Please know I am not downplaying my own challenges or those of others. We live in a reality of endless possibilities; terrible events happen all the time.......... so do miracles. Here's where we have to stop, long enough to cleanse the lens of our windshields. What are we looking for? The good or the bad? In our heart of hearts, what do we really believe is TRUE?  In bad situations, are we willing to find and and focus on the positives? In good situations are we willing to see past the illusion of perfection? Health issues, relationships, finances, career, family, are all challenges that all of us face at one time or another. When we get to those places that really challenges us, there is great propensity to erect boulders, especially if we aren't paying attention. 

 Other people's distorted views begin to wear us down and worry zaps our ability to see possible options. We fight against constructs, people, beliefs and ideals that we have zero control over. We add layers of painful words and memories, get mad and fight back, which only continue the cycle, making pebbles into rocks and rocks into boulders, with some formations that continue throughout our lives. What we can do though is get a really clear look at what is real. If we know that erosion can wear down and wear away, why couldn't we apply the same aspect to the energetic boulders in our lives?  Let's reverse the process. Instead of building up, why couldn't we "wear down" and erode the boulder by asking questions, by going where it feels good to go, (instead of spinning in the more of self-limiting thoughts? Ask what small change could yield a different reaction? Experiment, question...."I wonder what it would take to walk away from this toxic person/situation and feel good about myself?" "How would it feel to feel good, right here, right now?" 

When we apply a little water (seeing through a different perspective) and a bit of sunshine (choosing to be happy no matter what is blocking our way) erosion has a chance to do it's job. It takes time too...those arches near Moab didn't form overnight or even during a year. They are still forming, shifting and changing. If we are in constant motion, why couldn't we take charge and apply the forces of our own amazing thoughts, inviting the "erosion" to occur where it is most needed?!?!

When we are willing to unlearn all that we thought we knew, we give ourselves more options and a wider path. That kind of fresh start allows us to dismantle the boulder in our way pebble by precious pebble. In the midst of the unlearning, we will notice that giant block become less solid and more like a mirage. We may have a sense of it still being there, but it isn't nearly as tangible. It's lighter somehow. What may have taken years to make it solid, can be reversed very quickly. 

Are we willing to let go of everything we thought we knew and wanted to believe? Can we just "chunk" the map that we've used for most of our lives and select an upgrade? I believe each of us are already wired with the necessary tools dismantle those blockages. When are willing to reverse the direction we've been going in, try on a new approach, thought, perspective or belief, we erode the mind calcifications that held that sucker in place.  It will start to crumble, piece by piece until it disappears. The road widens out, we notice now that what we thought was in the middle of the road was only off to the side. In this way, we are free to continue on your journey, unobscured, just us, the open road and spaciousness

The really cool thing is that you'll know the next time you see a boulder in the distance, it's there as a reminder of just how powerful you really are. 

August.Summer.Thunder.Moments

It's been quite the week. I knew it was coming and yet, as much as I hope and wish and savor and push away the inevitable, a new season has begun: we attempt to get in bed earlier, get up earlier and power through our days. The goal is learning, achieving, growing. Once we are in the routine, it's a little easier but getting to that "groove" is not the most fun. 

In the midst of the stretching and tugging ("time for bed" or "time to wake up") I find that my happiness, joy and freedom goes a little undercover. It's still there, but I have to dig a bit harder to connect with it. It's not "bad" or "good", it's just what is..... 

I'm sitting here tonight, watching a beautiful sky and listening to the last drips of water running off the porch. It's truly lovely. I love hearing the chorus of locust, looking at gorgeous green grass and luscious trees, knowing that this too shall pass and one of these days, I'll be cursing the frigid temperature and snow. I loathe cold weather. I love being able to be outside, to breathe fresh air and smell rain. I love the sensory explosion of a storm and how it opens me up inside, reminding me that NOW is where I've been wanting to be. 

My babies are quiet; "Store devices issue" has been sounded. At, we enter "quiet time" there is no tv, no electronics, no "fun"......Just kidding, living with me is a blast! Even though they howl and complain, I believe they secretly love and savor this "down time." They need it. I need it. 

Sometimes "traveling light" means tuning in to where you are and just BE-ing. No obligations, no worries, no work. Smell the rain. Savor the moment. 

The Desert Calls

One of my favorite "hangouts on planet Earth is in Moab. There's something deeply mysterious, healing, sacred and special about that area. Maybe it is the fact that it's so unique and unlike any place that I've been to. It is HOT and therefore wild, untamed and not about to be controlled. It has a unique vibration that I can't even put into words. It's something to feel and embrace and once it's energies permeate your being, they embed themselves and there's no getting free. 

I make a pilgrimage to the arches whenever I am called.  It's a LONG drive but more than worth it. Earlier this month, I was guided to the words of one of my favorite books. Edward Abbey describes the area with great eloquence. His words are like poetry and I find myself longing to return as I read them. 

The kids will return to school very soon, so this week we will take a journey together to celebrate the culmination of summer and spend some much needed time together. I invited their input for the adventure. Where would you guys like to go? What do you want to do?" The answer, without any of my influence, was "Moab". 

I was silently turning kart-wheels! "Really?" I asked, "We've been there before. I thought maybe you guys would want to go explore a new place." "Nope, that's where we want to go."

I find this delightfully interesting. Was it the desert that called them, just like it's been whispering to me?  Who is doing the planning here anyway? Are we the ones that choose the adventure? Or, does the location and adventure choose us? 

Do you have a favorite place to return to? If so, please share in the comment section below. 

Here's what I did with the birthday money~ Thanks, Mom and Dad!

I've always loved nature and being outside, even when it is blazing hot. I appreciate AC, and when I'm around home base, I will turn it on if the house feels like an oven. I'm just as likely to turn it off and open the windows though. The only draw back are the incessant barking dogs. 

I am home for a few days to do my weekly lawn mowing, laundry, bill paying, etc. While on errands in North Platte I decided to purchase a few camping supplies with my birthday money (thanks, Mom and Dad!) A random thought trickled through my brain and before I knew it, I was unpacking, repacking and gearing up for a spontaneous night out. 

Pictured above is my minimalist camping spot. Yes, that would be the kids' play tent. I wanted a "trial run" and I didn't feel like dragging out the slightly larger (and as it turns out, much more spacious) dome tent from it's neat little pouch. I grabbed a twin memory foam pad, blanket and pillow and threw down right there on the ground. 

I'd love to say it was a restful night but that would be.........false. It was glorious to watch twinkling starts, breath fresh night air, hear the ripple of water and locust attempt to lull me to sleep. I missed more than a few winks trying to get comfortable but I have overcome the ability to sleep in. I am officially a morning person when I camp because I couldn't stand to sleep on the rock hard ground a second longer. That's the best motivation yet. 

The good thing was that there was no one for miles to share my grouchy mood with. The birds clearly didn't care that I was trying to rest. I was rewarded with a pretty view and a really nice hike. While this isn't the mountains, it was a great change of scenery. The solitude was glorious and the weather was actually very pleasant. I was grateful for the stadium blanket and old NorthFace jacket that I haul around.

The picture is a little blurry, but I am most proud of my breakfast arrangement. Usually I am not a breakfast person but somewhere around 4 pm, Maple Syrup sausages with shredded cheese started to sound really good and so did the Starbucks Mocha Java. I've had this little camp pot for several years. I bought a stove burner, the propane tanks, and small skillet. I impressed myself (mind you, that doesn't take much!) I enjoyed a lovely breakfast by the lake.

While this may sound a little tongue-in-cheek, and YES, I am poking fun at myself, this was really a significant personal victory! I've wanted to do this for a long time and I always manage to talk myself out of it. I've realized that this is something I've done a lot. Prior to this summer, I played out and planned out multiple adventures, ideas, schemes and scenarios in my head. And that is where they stayed. They never actualized. I thought about them, played them out, got into the energy of how it would feel and that's all the further it got. 

I've become more aware of what (and who) I am putting my energies into, where my focus is and what I am doing to make things "real". As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm not planning much of anything. In fact, I rarely have a clue of how my days will go. For example, I had the guidance to call for a tire balance and alignment today. I'd noticed my car's been shaky. I called at 8:20 (because, well, hey, I've been up since 5 and 8 felt pretty late!) They could get in by 10. 

Since I was still in full on camping mode, I hustled home, did a quick recovery prep (ball cap, ponytail teeth brushed) grabbed my computer and checkbook and headed out the door. I am typing this from the library, enjoying a coffee and the shade. Did I plan this? Nope. Am I enjoying my day? Sure! A special kind of grace has arrived in letting go of structure and controlling how my day should/needs to go. I have no idea where I'll be tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. I'm learning to live more fully in the moment. At times, I still flounder, the old default program can be hard to let go of if I forget where I'm still hooked. For the most part though, I'm feeling more free, definitely more grateful and much, much more excited about life and living. 

Part of my journey this year is finding myself and rediscovering things that I've given up or pushed aside. Camping is definitely one of the activities that I've always loved and have found again. While it wasn't necessarily comfortable, it was an adventure and these types of activities are what help us recognize and remember who we really are, how to play, how to create, how to generate and how to have FUN. 

What is something that you've forgotten, gotten away from, pushed aside and are ready to re-discover? Whatever it takes for you to jump back to it, I encourage you to actualize it. You'll be delighted that you did! Please share you adventures in the comment section below! 

Reverence

This morning marks the 42nd year of my arrival on the planet. As I watched the sun peek it's way through the tree while drinking my morning coffee, I reflected on the myriad of experiences that life has gifted me. I've been blessed with such abundance; amazing, loving, supportive, children, family and friends. I live in a safe, quiet, friendly community. I have the freedom to choose how I will spend my days, how I can contribute to a greater living experience and the type of influence and inspiration I can be.

I used to wonder what life would be like "at this age". When I was younger I didn't necessarily see 40 as being old because truthfully, age has never been related to a specific number. I have had few judgments pop up around the idea of "getting old". If they've stayed around too long, I investigated where the ideas/beliefs came from and always found they were concepts that I bought into, they were not mine. I kindly "returned them to sender with consciousness attached" (Thanks, Gary Douglas!)

I do not feel like I am old or young, I feel like...... ME. I am very grateful to be where I am today and more importantly who I am. Notice I didn't use the words, "who I am becoming". I am already that. I have arrived. I don't say that with vanity. There's been quite the struggle to excavate the real me and this past year certainly brought all that to a head. At times the project felt heavy, dense and confusing, at other times, freeing, empowering and enlightening. I have a wonderful and dedicated tribe of "Soul Scientists" that were in place to help me dig up the tools of forgiveness, faith, strength, truth, insight, awareness and choice. Like deeply buried relics, those tools and more seem to have been waiting for "just the right time" to be dusted off, reclaimed, polished and brought to the surface. I've used "knock off versions" prior to this year; now I know what those tools are REALLY about. They've been tested and strengthened under fire.

My personal armor was not so fortunate. It did not survive. It all melted. I no longer have a need to defend and protect. I'm willing to be vulnerable and sensitive and claim ALL the power and potency that I am. I've come to see that the "wrongness of me" is actually some my greatest, most empowering gifts. I am here to share with others how to expand one's view and appreciation of self, others and life lessons. All the places that you thought you'd made mistakes and messed up are most likely the gateways to creating a life you didn't even know was possible! Blame, shame, regret, guilt, anger, jealously......all of those are really distractions to who you are and what you came here to share and experience. The greatest self-abuse is to believe that it is impossible to change your life and to go on believing that lies that you've told yourself and others have told you. I urge you to take a good, long, honest look at where you are right now. The choices you make from here create the life you experience. Choice is one of the most powerful gifts we have on the planet.

I have much, much, much more to create here, I am just starting to put in place new foundational pieces for the empire I am building. I am calling in my "tribe" and those who are ready to create something different, something beyond what we've experienced thus far. This vision clarifies daily. There are no goals, intentions or conclusions. Every day is a new day and instead of me being the one directing it all, I just tune in and ask questions. I don't have to know the answers, my job is to follow the energy.

Today I am in a place of deep gratitude and reverence. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be HERE, to share my life and experiences with those I know and love and those I will meet. I am expanding and filling up every cell of my being with the vibrations of life, love, laughter and joy! I am reminded of the guiding word that came to me in January: SHINE. I am still exploring the concept and meaning and......I'm certainly enjoying the many ways it is acting as a beacon in my life.

Thank you, with all of my heart and appreciation for walking this path with me, dear ones! You are all such amazing contributions in my life and I adore each and every one of you. Thank you for the phone calls, text messages, emails and Facebook posts/messages. Wow!!! How does life and living get even better than this?!?!?

Slowing D O W N

As much as I LOVE to travel and be on the go, I also enjoy time at home, with my children.  I've become much less of a homebody that what I ever have been before. In fact, this summer is the most mobile I've ever been, and I have to say..... IT ROCKS! I've been looking on-line at VW camper vans and wondering what it would take to make one of those my home for awhile, preferably near a lake or river? 

Prior to this year, "home" meant a lot of work. That's all changed now. I've crafted an entirely different experience so the translation of "home" has taken on a new meaning. I've downsized incredibly and that effort is now paying off. We have time to relax, to play badminton, cards, golf, swim, go to the river, visit friends, read, ride bikes, and even do a few necessary chores like laundry and lawn mowing. The things I used to have to effort and squeeze in, are now easily accessed. I have to say, it's been strangely odd at times to experience the spaciousness and freedom that comes with not having so many "irons in the fire". I'm living the change that I asked for. It didn't come easily, it didn't come quickly, in fact it arrived in a way that I barely recognized....... but it did arrive. 

While I am always ready for the next adventure (my backpack is at the ready, just in case) I am leaning into slowing down. While I am at home, two of the ways that I keep things "light" are lounging in the hammock whenever the mood strikes and finding old books to read. This is the one I'm investigating today. 

Magic or Mistake?

I adore flowers, I think it is the combination of delicacy and pops of color that attract me. I used to have a lot of flowers and a huge garden. I didn't spend the money or the time on either of those this year. My focus has been on travel, movement and experiences. I am home long enough to mow the lawn, do a bit of laundry and leave for the next adventure. 

This week, as I was walking out the door, I saw a blast of pink out of the corner of my eye. I had to do a double take..... here, seemingly out of the blue, was this adorable little flower! I didn't put her there. In fact, I have no idea how she got there!

Instead of wondering, I just thanked her. I thanked the consciousness of what brought her to this spot, this unlikely location, right up against my sidewalk. I gave her a drink of water and have smiled at her every time I've come in and out of the house. 

These kinds of miracles are all around us, if we choose to look at them this way. These can be mistakes or miracles, depending on the point of view we hold. Some could look at this as a mistake, an accident and think nothing of it. Or some could look at is through the eyes of mystery, compassion, grace, surprise and gratitude! What turn of events planted the seed that became this flower? How did this get organism land here? 

The answer is irrelevant. The reality is........ she's here, right now, for a time. She may not always be here. Like any living being, she will have her time, she will shine and then her life force energy will dissipate and she will return to the earth from which gave her a foundation. She isn't going to look back and lament the fact that she only had so many days/weeks on this planet. She isn't going to hold out hope for living in a garden or even being able to become a lilac bush or a mighty oak tree. She's going to be the brilliant flower that she just is. 

I have agreed to follow suit in that I will appreciate her while she's here, provide hydration and appreciate her beauty. I will release the tendency to hold on and keep her here (because when I fall in love I tend to get attached and I want that being close by!) I'm letting her teach me the delicate art of appreciation without holding on so tightly. The ability to be fully present and in joyful celebration while not becoming fixated and attached. And when it is time for her to depart, I will allow that too. Thanks to technology I have a pictorial reminder of what was, not as a way to draw sadness for what I no longer experience, but as a way to recognize and celebrate this gift. 

The power is in the present moment: We look to what is here, right now. We celebrate the cheery pink and white and revel in the miracle of a flower that found a way to grow beside a concrete step. 

What miracles are springing up around you? 

New Skin

Part of my "Keep it Light" motto began with shedding a lot of layers during Spring of 2013. I felt such constriction and compression that at times I struggled to breathe. I had an inkling of how very much my life would change, though I had no vision of where I would be this day. I was very present to the process of shedding, even when it hurt. As I look back, even in the lowest of times, I knew I had a purpose and a reason for being here.

I've noticed that when I coach clients in the process of letting go of material excess, there is a deep-seated pain that can accompany the purging process. It feels overwhelming, heavy and sad. It doesn't have to though. It's the accumulation of all the memories, opinions, judgments and beliefs around that items that makes it hard to part with. It's usually never the item itself.

Recently a dear friend of mine and I were having a conversation about buying less. Neither of us were in the mood to shop and nothing was all that appealing. We both came to the conclusion that we are much more into "experiences" rather than "stuff". As I walked through an REI store (a previous favorite with shoes + clothes + backpacks!) I found there was nothing that I needed. I have the money to purchase whatever I want, so this doesn't come from a perspective of lack, it comes from a place of being totally fulfilled. I'm not looking for the image that a material item can give me. I've let that habit go as well.

While shedding has previously been focused on reducing the amount of objects and clutter, I've come to an even more expansive definition; it's the letting go of emotional entanglements and debris. Although that shouldn't be difficult and it shouldn't hold that much significance, I've cried more freaking rivers over hurt feelings than anyone else should in this lifetime. Goodness! I'm almost embarrassed at how bad I've felt, how hard I've fought and how much of an emotional quicksand abyss that I've let myself flounder about in. I suppose there's a part of me that wanted that experience and somehow got off on it. I am glad that there's a stronger part of me that finally got fed up enough to "call it" and say, "that's enough!"

I've had a lot of awareness coming to me, insights and view points that I wasn't aware of before. It seems that the more peeling back of layers that I am doing, the more clear and expanded my viewpoint becomes. I now know that I have a choice in wallowing in the past, hoping that certain "wrongs" will be "righted" or I can let that go, show up each day, and start over. Completely start over. Brand new.

This is a very powerful position. When we release who we were yesterday, all the thoughts, opinions, judgments against ourselves and others, insecurities, worries, fears, injustices, we are shedding heavy emotional baggage. Free space is created when a lot of letting go is getting done. That's where I'm at. My basic needs are met. I have a clearer idea of who I am, what I am about and how I can be of service to those around me, the world, the planet. I am grateful for my children, my family and friends. I am so blessed to have a roof over my head, a comfy bed, a car and food. Beyond that....... I haven't got a clue of what will happen next!

In that de-shedding process one of the things that I've let go of is "control". For the first time in my life, I am at peace with not being in control. (I'd like to thank the Universe for that big 'ol kick in the pants---I GOT THAT LOUD AND CLEAR!) I usually have an idea of where I'll be and what I will be doing, but there's a great deal of room for the mystery, fluidity and unplanned events that crop up. I do look ahead,I just don't stay there for long. I've mostly given up daydreaming and hoping for an ideal life, I don't think that such a thing exists. I have experiences that I am certainly creating and if they don't show up, I have faith that something even more amazing will show up.

I don't plan on anyone being in my life; I welcome everyone who chooses to be. There's no profit in planning on any certain concept, situation, relationship and experience in the future because the future is continually being reshaped in the present.

This is me letting go. It's been an interesting process to release those layers. I'm in a place where I can really stretch out and relax. I may still be "tender" at times, though I am more and more of ME, every day. I'm not here to follow along, to hope that someone rescues me or that everything will work out "perfectly." I know that wherever I am, is where I am supposed to be. I have strong faith that there are forces greater than I that are leading the way. I really don't know how this "new skin" will appear to those on the outside, I can say I am finally comfortable being in it.

Seattle Summertime

Tasting a little Red Hook Brew

VERY Interesting/Entertaining Solstice Parade.... sans naked cyclists :)

My Peeps! Love these two. Nebraska was well represented!

What a fabulously fun day,  I'm quite sure I had THE BEST tour guides!!!!

Light Bulb!

You know sometimes I get a brilliant idea, the "light bulb" goes off in my head and I get all happy and excited. 

This is likely not a new tip, but it is one that I never thought of before: 

I always pack a little spray bottle of water + lavender essential oil. I use it for hair and skin spritzer and/or quick hand and face wash. 

As you can see, I reuse the original product and I don't throw the bottle away. 

Maybe it's because I got up early and my mind was clear? Or maybe it was because I just really wanted to take the bottle with me… my lightbulb idea was to dump the water out, and still have the bottle! Viola'!  this makes my packing very "light" and I can refill it when I get to my destination. Sometimes I impress myself!

The picture below shows my one of my packing cubes. There are a total of four, I find myself never using the largest one. These were ordered on Amazon and for some reason this brand isn't available anymore. I'm glad I got these because the sizes are perfect. 

For air travel, I have a plastic see-through quart size bag, that is actually not a baggie. I found that I ripped too many of those. 

My goal was to go as light as possible, being kind to my back. I never feel like I take that much stuff, but somehow my pack always seems to be heavier after carrying it for a while. 

I have a few hours to decide if I will take the MacBook and the Kindle. It seems a bit indulgent to take them both. I can do way more work on the MacBook but the Kindle has all my books and will take up less space on the plane. Decisions.

I need that light bulb to go off again. 

Hi Friends,

It might not be the best time to start a new blog {hola' Mercury Retrograde} but nonetheless, it's something that's been on my mind for a long time now. I actually tried to create the blog yesterday but kept getting an error message. If you know anything about this astrological phase, then you also know things tend to get gummed up more than easily and even the best laid plans are subject to confusion, frustration and upheaval. That said, it can also be a wonderful time to turn back the clock, make amends, repair, reconnect, rejuvenate and rewind. Or do something relaxing, different and fun, which is what I'm all about.

My wifi time is about to run out so I'll post when I can. I'm in the air tomorrow, new location, new faces. Picts/Posts coming soon!