Little Showers. Grief. Highlights

This has been tough week. Carl's birthday would have been Tuesday, March 27. He is greatly missed by so many. Grief is a complicated process and there's seemingly no end to it. I seem to swim on emotional tides, some very rough and treacherous, some manageable. The longing and loss never subside, it's constant. There are ways to cope with the pain. Each person is wired to handle it in her/his own way. I spent the day mostly in bouts of tears and sadness. I did my best to stick to a normal routine and to find the light that was poking through. I've found movement to be especially helpful. Though I received several invitations to forgo my walk, I persisted through the distractions. The long walked helped. I spent time with Parker shooting his black powder rifle and chatting with loves ones. I resist feeling so low and yet, I've learned not to fight it. Like the weather there are breaks in my low feelings. They roll in, stay for awhile and eventually they dissipate. I don't stay down as long as I used to. Walking and writing are two of my best therapies. 

I've slightly shifted the theme of my blog in conjunction with the fresh energies of Spring. I'll share more about that next week. I'll be following the theme of Lighten Up, which are the inspirations that come to me, Let It Go, which continues the theme of weeding/release and Grow, my word of the year and positive action steps I take to reach my targets.

This week's features:

Lighten Up: Typically I'm not for dreary days. I am always surprised to find out how much I miss sunshine and warmth. Winter is my least favorite season. I hate being cold and even more I despise the lack of color. Dead, dry, dense landscapes do not fulfill my soul. Spring isn't my favorite season either, but I've come to appreciate the lifting of the heavy blanket that is Winter. Green shoots of grass begin to poke up, more daylight hours are present and the sense of possibilities start to bloom. The hope of new experiences and trees with leaves get me through the drudgery of the frigid season. Tuesday was lovely, warm and sunny. Wednesday was the polar opposite. It rained a bit and the pre-April shower brought a smile to my face. I've forgotten how refreshing rain is. It smelled wonderful and was truly a source of light for me today.





Let It Go: Grief, in any form, is tough. It's a constant pain that never goes away. Sometimes it is heavy and more pronounces, at other times it is running on auto-pilot in the background. It's never gone though. One of the aspects that I am letting go of is how I should grieve or the right way to grieve. There are positive choices for dealing with pain and negative choices that are more self-destructive. I've experienced both. I've been working with with habit change techniques {I'll be sharing about that in a future post}. Instead of falling into old patterns and wallowing there, I made the conscious effort to shift. I incorporated walking, journaling and doing something new, shooting a black powder pistol. {Not to brag about what kind of "shot" I am, but ask Parker who nailed the water bottle!} I won't say it was easy, but it did get me through the day and night, into bed and some semblance of sleep. When I recognized the tendency to compare my pain levels to others and think, "I should......" I let that go. I stopped, made the shift and went in a different direction. Dealing with grief is entirely an individual choice. 




Grow: Perhaps it was because I couldn't sleep or maybe it was because I hit the end of my sleep cycle, but I got up at 4:30 and never went back to bed. I did my morning pages and then walked on the treadmill. My mind was in constant active mode the rest of the day. (There could be something to that wake-up time?!)  I've came up with some pretty cool ideas like this week's Growth step. I learned how to customize the "highlights" on Instagram stories. I connected it to the themes I am writing about here and tying it all together. It took several attempts and some creative thinking to get those little circles how I wanted them to look.  I am excited and pleased with how it turned out. Sometimes Growth does produce the desired effects, sometimes it is only in the attempt that authentic learning takes place. 






Here's to you finding what Lights you UP, what you can Let Go of and that your Growth is empowering and enjoyable.

In-n-Out

It's probably a good thing that I stayed close to home last month because this month has been the opposite of planned, predictable and routine. This is great because for me, routine is creative death. I will say that in times/phases like the one I am in, I can be challenged with feeling productive because the way I measure my efficiency is often by how much I can get accomplished in a day. I've actually had to scale that down.... way, way down.

As a recovering perfectionist, I have learned to go with the flow, drop a lot of expectations for how I want things to be and see the truth of how things are. We are on the move right now, and this is by choice. So that means, I am not home on a regular basis to keep the house clean, neat and tidy, do laundry on a regular basis or even journal as much as I would like to. In my mind, of course, I feel like I can juggle EVERYTHING. I can and I do! It just doesn't always look pretty (or how I expect it to look).

Items have creeped back onto the counter. The counters are a bit covered in coffee stains and crumbs. The laundry room is full. That said, my bed has been made every day, clothes are at least in the area they should be, the bills are paid and the fridge is somewhat organized. Clothes and shoes are not scattered and dropped throughout the house, the treadmill is junk/clutter free and the couch and recliners are not covered in books and bags. The other night when we bought groceries  I did a quick clean-out and then put food away. I'd been needing to get to that and so while I was unpacking groceries I incorporated the clean-out right then. Adaptability is a very helpful trait.

A significant part of what allows me to be mobile and spontaneous is because I focused on streamlining my environment and remained consistent. Though my space isn't in perfect order, it is in the best shape it has ever been in during previous times of being on the go. Having a dedicated place for items to go in, spot cleaning when necessary (rather than put it off) keeping counters cleared off and not using the dishwasher, dryer, kitchen table as storage areas and prioritizing my to-do's has helped keep our space clear and functional. I don't feel scattered and overwhelmed, and even though I've been gone a lot, I'm not coming home to a disaster and having to start all over again. That was one of my main goals in the last clutter purge.

This week's weeding: yellow shirt.

I wear skirts year round. In the fall and winter (all the way to June in some years) I don leggings. In warmer temps I wear skirts and t-shirts. By the time Spring rolls around I am craving color and bright yellow is just the ticket. I've had this shirt for a few years and while it is wearing fairly well, it has shrunk (or perhaps I've gotten bigger?!) Typically I avoid 100% cotton because it tends to get smaller and even when I am air drying, some of the shirts end up in Pryce's room. I scored a new yellow shirt for $5 bucks at Target. So out with the old one (although it's still in great shape) and in with the new.


Creative Growth Step: Capsule Wardrobe.

Oh my goodness! This is an exciting and challenging step. I don't even know if I can do it but I am writing about it here to document the experience. I've always wanted to build a capsule wardrobe. I've spent some time looking at the style and colors of what I wear most {black/white, red, navy, sometimes yellow with some denim). Black, red, white are my go to colors which is funny because those were my high school's colors and I swore by the time I was a senior I would never wear those color combinations again. They have slowly but surely crept back into my wardrobe and well, I've long ago stopped saying NEVER because that's usually a direct invitation for that very thing to occur.

So..... with the theme of comfort and compatibility, I'll be building a capsule wardrobe and seeing what works and what doesn't. I may not follow a specified amount of items but I will definitely be downsizing again. The rest of this month is going to be busy so I'm setting the target for my clothing project in April.

10 Travel Tips

I wanted to share some insights I had from my recent travels. In my quest to live intentionally and with fewer items, I am continually testing new ideas. My most recent was that of traveling sans purse. I've mentioned many times how much I adore bags, totes and purses. I admit it is an addiction! I don't know that I will leave home without some sort of bag in the future. I'm still chewing a little on #2.

#1 Foldable Backpack
One of the best items I've added to my travel repertoire is a foldable backpack. I wanted one that would fit into a larger backpack but wouldn't take up space. I went with this Gonex 30L Lightweight backpack. I did a lot of research to determine what would be the best fit. We used it every day of our trip and were very happy with it. It held water bottles, sunglasses, scarf, cap, gloves, phone charger, travel logs and wallets.




#2 Downsize the Purse
I decided to forgo my usual Keen bag. This works great for for Urban hiking, I fold it up and put it inside my backpack I left it home this time and just used this small wallet. I'm still on the fence here. I love the convenience but I did miss having a designed bag to put my things in when we went out to dinner. I am so used to carrying a purse that honestly, I felt a little bare without it.




It took a bit to get used to using this wristlet. I stopped carrying change. Since I am frugal and it feels wrong to ditch it, I keep a ziplock bag in the car and use it when I am running through a drive through. Every so often I will empty the collected bag into a big jar and when that gets full I will cash it in. Change is heavy so not packing it around is very freeing. This little guy is surprisingly roomy, I can fit my cell phone in here too. I used this when we went out to dinner. During the day and hiking these are the items I had with me.

*Travel Journal/pen
*National Parks Passport
*Lip balm SPF 50
*Sunglasses
*Wallet
*Water bottle (when flying I take an empty water bottle and fill it up after going through TSA).
*Snacks
*Scarf. This is probably one of the most versatile items. It can be used as an eye shield, leg warmer, pillow, light blanket/shawl and a seat cover. I use one on chilly mornings and then put it in the pack when it warms up. (Depending on the weather I also take a beanie and gloves.)

#3 Buy it when you get there 
This applies to both flight travel and car travel. I usually don't bring much and if it is something I truly need like toothpaste or shampoo, it's not hard to find/purchase that. When traveling by car, we will often go to a grocery store and buy what we are going to need for the duration of the trip. Water, wraps and Red Vines are the top three on the list. This is where having a water bottle comes in handy. I pack mine around with me and add the greens and electrolytes as needed.

#4 Layer Up
I hate being cold so I tend to bring several layers. I pretty much wore my tank top and base layer the entire time we were gone. I added a long sleeved 1/2 zip top and then my jacket. I also pack a scarf and a beanie. Covering my head helps. I've been known to sleep in caps and socks if I'm staying in a cold room.

#5 Functional Shoes
Traveling with comfortable shoes is a must. I wore hiking boots and decided to pack them instead of wearing them. I also brought black Tieks. I like these because they are light and foldable. They're great for an evening out, but I cannot wear them in all day situations. I got by this time, but post-hike I was really craving my Birks. I deemed them too heavy to bring along, but they were certainly missed.

The black Tieks are folded and so is the red backpack.
I use packing cubes for other items. 

#6 De-jewel
I used to wear and pack along a lot of different jewelry. Different earrings, necklace and rings for each outfit. Now I pick my favorite silver pair and I wear them every day. I have some really nice pieces and I do try to rotate when I am home, but in all honesty, I could really downsize here. Like majorly downsize. I don't want to throw jewelry  away, that seems terrible, but I would be most happy to re-home the majority of my collection.

These are the ones that made the flight this time!

#7 Convertible Clothes
I have learned to pack very minimally. For example, sometimes if I am traveling in the evening and won't be in the clothes long, I will wear the same clothes back on a Sunday (new undies of course...because I'm sure you wanted to know that).
My favorite pieces are ones that reverse or convert. The bottoms of my hiking pants zip off to become shorts. I also have this skirt from Title Nine It can be stripes or solid and the color goes with everything! My newest favorite is this Travel Dress from REI. It's light and packable. Right now it's a bit too chilly so I wear a base layer and leggings with it. The pockets are great and it's very comfortable.


#8 No Fixing Flats
Tires are the exception here! I am speaking of hair. When I am traveling I always bring a cap. If it is not on my head, it's clipped to a bag. This works great for horrible hotel hair/crappy water and sun protection. I don't really "fix" my hair on a daily basis. I wash it, put some mousse in it and go. Most of the time it is still wet when I leave the house. When I am traveling, the same applies. I stick to a very minimal facial routine too; sunscreen, mineral powder and mascara. Boom! My hair is often flat and meh when I travel. I don't know if I am sensitive to the water (or whatever is in the water)? I doesn't seem to work to well. I don't spend much time trying to rectify it, I just go with it. 

My go-to look, whenever I can get away with it!

Current favorite cap, liked it so much that it became my latest tattoo!

#9 The Right Kind of Memory
It's customary to want to take parts and pieces of the locations we travel to back home with us. One of our favorites is to buy books and then mark them with the National Park stamp. We've found some great books on our travels and they are fabulous reminders of where we've been. It's really wonderful to open up a book and read it when we are homebound and unable to get away. I've long been a fan of "taking a trip around the world" with a book. However, books pile up as do t-shirts, trinkets and other mementos. Since I've spent a considerable amount of time de-cluttering, I am keenly away that what I pack home will have to have a place. The solution: a travel journal + National Park Passport book.




One of these alone would suffice. In fact, I could use just the travel journal and place the stamp in there, but I do enjoy both and they don't take up much room. I like having words to describe and document the trip, especially years later when I struggle to remember the details. It's cool to look back on that. The Parks Passport is a fun thing that I started back in 2016.

Buying an America the Beautiful Pass is a great idea if you/your family are into visiting National Parks. We sure are. Joe had the idea to get the pass after we were at Red Rocks. By the time we ended our trip, the entrance fees we would have payed were $10 away from covering the pass. Yay! Here's the link for the National Park Pass.

#10 Re-entry:
In my experience longer travels should include a re-entry plan that allows you to ease back into your daily routine. Coming back in the afternoon, on a day when there isn't much going on allows us to unpack, put clothes in the wash, and re-organize. Trips don't always work that way. I didn't have the opportunity this time and I also didn't tear into the normal routine of unpacking and putting things away this time. Instead I went for a walk and enjoyed the warm weather. Things are a bit messy and out of order but I know I will get them back into alignment. It's really nice to come home to a clean, neat, tidy house (with the exception of Marley getting into the trash and having some fun with egg shells...)

Traveling is definitely my passion. If I could do it full time, I totally would. I've known since I was riding around the ranch on my my little red dirt bike with my backpack that seeing the country was what I most wanted to do. I've accumulated a lot of "stuff" and I have thoroughly enjoyed the collection process. Traveling has certainly taught me to discern what I most need, what I enjoy and what I am willing to pack around with me. When the time is right to downsize even further, I will be ready to do that!

Vintage Style

 I am reminded from time to time how much I love vintage items. Oh how I adore old papers, typewriters, desks, lamps, books and wooden drawers. I have no idea why, but I do know those kind of things light me up. I wish there was a way to transport these items right to my home and use them every day. I can see myself sipping coffee and pounding out my ideas on this vintage type writer! I have no desire to go back in time, thank you very much. I appreciate the technology we have today, the ease and convenience of modern creations, but there is something deeply inviting when I step into these spaces.

We visited the Kregel Windmill Co. over the weekend. This is literally stepping back into time. While small, the building is as exactly as it was in 1939. The history of windmill production is very interesting but the most fascinating artifacts were in this office. Oh my goodness! It's the neatest room I've ever seen! I actually had a hard time walking away!










In my quest to downsize, I know that I wouldn't likely choose to purchase any of these items if that were an option. I don't scour antique markets like I used to. I do very little shopping these days. I did purchase a new blue skirt and a chartreuse sweater over the weekend. The sweater was a splurge at $11.00, the skirt was drastically more. It is buttery soft though. As soon as I saw it and felt it, I knew it was destined to be mine! I only wear what I absolutely love these days. I know I have room for it and I know that I can combine it with what I already have to create new outfits. That's the beauty of downsizing. If and when I do buy, there's a reason and a purpose. I've become aware of the difference between frivolous searching (when I am waiting or bored) and actually selecting something that contributes to my style.


What I'm weeding this week:
Since I brought in two new items, that means two old items are going out. Here is what I deselected:




I snagged this skirt on sale awhile back.  I picked it because of the colors. I haven't worn it and now I actually think its a bit too "busy" for my taste.



I got this item eight years ago. I've not worn it at all in the last few years.  At one point I was into gray. I had gray boots and gray oxfords. I let them both go and for whatever reason kept this. It's ready to find a new owner.

One of the aspects that I am learning is that downsizing isn't a one time action, it is a continual exercise that requires diligence and checking in. I would love for it it be a one and done, but that is not how it works.

Creative Growth Step:
Growth happens even when we are not consciously focused on it. While I'm sure there are projects and even new dreams that are forming, I'm feeling the invitation to take some time to contemplate, re-evaluate and flow into what I want to create in the next few months. This is an in-between space and sometimes it feels strange because I am target oriented and I feel better when I have a project to work on. It's not that I am sitting around with nothing to do (that never happens!) but I am in a place where I'm coasting a bit. March is a month where the newness of the year is starting to take root, but the "stalks" are just starting to make their ascension toward the sun; there is much growth ahead. Right now growth is more subjective and not nearly as visible.

I was looking over my bullet journal for February and I am pretty amazed at what I did accomplish. I never feel like I get that much done! My creative growth steps this week are to recognize my accomplishments in action, immerse myself within the completion phase and be OKAY with not knowing what's next!  I posted awhile ago that it's good to build in rest days. What I am also ready to do is identify when I am in the final stages of projects and allow myself the space to regroup, rather than feel like I have something to do and I'm not doing it. I'm choosing to be a better closer "coffee is for closers only."  {Insert laughing emoji}

There is a tendency to be looking ahead and while I do enjoy the present, I find that for me, the excitement lies in the future and what I am in the process of creating. When there's nothing on the board I feel like I walk around with a blank stare on my face and hands up in the air like an basketball player who got a bad call.... what?????? (I watched a Celtics game the other night, so this was an easy reference.) Things will shift, as they always do. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this "time out."

HAVING TO VERSUS CHOOSING TO

One of these words feels lighter than the other? Can you tell? When you are looking at a decision do you feel like you HAVE to go with a certain option? What if you still had the same option, only you CHOOSE it. There's empowerment in the second choice and within that space, you actually change the consciousness of your reality.

Some of us are stuck in a job that we may not love. We say we have to have the job to do x, y, z. We may actually need the job to pay bills, afford health care, make car payments, take care of our families or any other reasons. We use these needs to justify why we are at this job, in this relationship, living in this location, are this in this shape. We enclose ourselves in a reality of few possibilities, tightening the noose around our necks, slugging through the days, dreaming of something different. And nothing changes. We get stuck. There's not a lot of potential for something better to come in when we reside in the "HAVE TO" world.

In the CHOOSE TO world, we take accountability for our choices, actions and reactions. We create space when we acknowledge that we've made the choice to be where we are, however that is showing up. It's really hard to change something if we don't look at the choices that led us here in the first place. While the place we currently are may not be our ideal, if we can change the viewpoint from "this is where I have to be" to "this is where I choose to be...for now", we open the door for shifts and changes to come more easily. Choices expand and possibilities become more visible to us.

Restating and especially re-thinking how we look at our current situations can mean the difference between chained to our circumstances or being free to make choices.

Every person alive has challenges, but they are not limited by those challenges. In fact challenges can become vital stepping stones, pointing the way to effective life changes. My son is an excellent example of this. We didn't allow his health challenges to become an excuse or a disability. He was born with spherocytosis. When he was a sophomore, he was diagnosed with neurofibromytosis type II. He's had a plethora of challenges and surgeries. He is deaf in one ear and his vision is not the best. You wouldn't know what he's been through by looking at him.  Today he's a thriving, young man, in his first year of college with a job! {Way to go, Pake!} Your challenge may be something entirely different and yet it is doesn't have to be a limitation to the life you choose to live. You just have to make the choice of how you want to show up in your world.

How do we initiate change?

Are we willing to take an honest inventory of where we are right now?

What is working your life?

What isn't?

Acknowledge that all the choices you've made have gotten you where you are today.

Look at the list of what isn't working, what you don't like?
Brainstorm some possible action steps that you can take, today to make some shift. Keep in mind that these don't have to be huge steps, simple ones are best as they bring immediate results and will build your change muscles, plus it's fun and empowering to observe how it feels in your body/being to experience change in action.

Identify your energetic priorities:
What lights you up and makes you happy? What additional choices are there that will contribute to the life you want to live? (And if you don't know, ask for those choices to show up and KEEP asking!)

Be vigilant with your choices and action steps: Set boundaries for what you will and will not allow. Focus is required because it will keep you moving toward your target. Use sticky notes and/or phone reminders and place these in locations that you will see. Change these out from time to time as they need to be refreshed, our minds get too used to seeing these.

Be curious: We don't have to know how things will turn out, in fact it is better not to have any conclusions of the outcome. Reality often doesn't reflect how we think things should go. Leave some room for creative ideas, choices and the magic of the unknown. What if what you are asking for arrives in a different shape and is even BETTER than what you had in mind?!

YOU are the conscious, creative facilitator of your life! You assumed this position when you are born and you've inherited a majorly successfully company. YOU are the CEO here, so the choices and decisions you make will determine your life (which is your business!) How cool is that?! You didn't even have to interview for the position! Here are the keys, take them and start unlocking some doors.




What I'm weeding this week:
Digital items. UGH. A few months ago my emails totaled over 3000. I was not so good about reading them, and even worse at deleting them. I kept emails, like I kept a lot of my clutter,  for those "just in case" reasons. It took some time, but I utilized the folder options and created what I needed for future reference. I went through every single email, which was daunting, and necessary.

Earlier this week I created something I've never experienced before....an empty email inbox. This has NEVER happened before! Like my home, I am amazed at how quickly the space can fill in if I am not paying attention and setting the target of keep it cleared.  I have spent the last month unsubscribing to a lot of emails. What I am wondering is if I should select a day to go through them all and wipe it clean? Or if I should visit this daily, like I do with my home? I didn't enjoy the task and that is why I let emails pile up. Since erasing the 3000+ emails my target as been to keep my inbox downsized. I always admired people who can do this and do it consistently, funny I never saw myself as "one of those people" I still don't because it's early on but in time, perhaps that habit will become more solid? This does requires me to be vigilant, making a decision after I've read the email (delete or move to a folder.)  and be consistent. Rather than seeing this as a burden I am choosing to see this as a personal challenge, it is more enjoyable that way. I'm also seeing that my ability to make a decision in the moment is much stronger than it used to be and that feels good too.

In the event that I might become overly confident, I am reminded that I still have loads of things on my computer, documents and photos that need cleaned up at some point. {It really doesn't end, does it?! At least I'm not tripping over digital clutter.}




Creative Growth Step: 
Making the bed. I haven't always been consistent in this area, but I am learning the benefits. It doesn't take much time or effort, I simply pull up the covers, flatten out the creases and call it good. That said, leaving my bedroom in clean, clear order sets my tone for the day.

I've also cleared off the additional surfaces of a excessive items. Pryce insisted that I keep the Lego Dragon she made. I have a love note and a few other sentimental items.





I've cleared off the bureau and intentionally placed meaningful/useful items. Previously this was covered with books, pictures, journals, jewelry and other items that I didn't put away.





It feels good to walk in here. This room is not fancy, updated or new, but it is clean and clutter free. I used to have to navigate piles of clothes, shoes and bags, book. Tidying up happens in minutes, because clothes are in the closet, not strewn about or thrown on the floor in here. The best benefit is that I can be packed and ready for adventuring in about 10 minutes (or less!)

I am blessed with a large, walk in closet so I do not have drawers. I see the clothes I do have and this reminds me to either wear them or let them go.

Off season items (shirts, skirts, shorts and sandals) were put in a tote. When the weather is warmer, I'll do another sort and let go of anything that I haven't used. "I am CHOOSING to keep only the clothing/items that I really love, versus I HAVE to sort through this sh*t again!!!! See, I bet you can already tell the difference, can't you?

What are choosing today?!