The real reason for doing what you're doing....

I didn't really feel like going for a walk tonight. I'm short on sleep and I have a lot to get done before I rest tonight. 

That said, I already know the benefits of walking and why I do what I do. Surprisingly it's not about loosing weight, although that's been a nice side effect. Walking is the therapeutic. It gets me out of my head and helps me process my thoughts in positive ways. I feel better after I've walked and so good day or other wise, I stick to my routine because I know it'll make me feel good. 

On days like this, when it would have been easy to fall into an old mindset of, "I'm tired, I'll catch it tomorrow...." Instead I pondered on the greater good, my reason for walking. There are many reasons, but the most important is because I will KNOW it's what my body needs, not my mind. My mind can talk me into and out of just about anything. It's great for analysis and evaluation, not so always so good when it comes to motivation. My mind can be a lazy pig. Given the choice it would rather not make my body move (unless it's golfing, hiking or other fun things). 

So what to do when I don't want to do what I know I should do? I do it anyway. It's taken me a long while to discern what to listen to, what to believe and what to follow. I think it's easy to be on a sort of auto-pilot when it comes to doing things we don't like but we know we should do and in some cases, have to do. Most of the time, in those scenarios, I just want to get whatever it is over with and done, so I can get to the good stuff. I'm still working on that one...

I shared that my previous method was to push myself and that is outdated. It's not productive and in the end, it really depletes my positive outlooks and energetic reserves. There will always be things that I don't necessarily enjoy but have to do. And it's at such moments where I have a small window of opportunity, a quantum choice point of going left, right or staying in the middle. No one way is perfect, yet our entire lives are based on the choices we make in these moments. This is significant because over time we see the results of these choices in action, we experience their after-effects and those shape our reality. It's a very empowering to realize that we have the ability to change the trajectory of our lives through conscious choices and daily action. It may not seem like much at the time, but in long-term vision we see those steps adding up. There's no one else to blame if we aren't living the way we want to live. No one is responsible for our happiness. Anyone can contribute but the truth is that it is up to use to make those choices. 

No matter what I do, I strive to find the good, the inspiration and positive spin, even in the seemingly worst situations. It's not always immediate though eventually it finds me. Notice I'm not always the ones that finds the inspiration, probably because I'm trying to hard and forcing it. That's where walking comes in, that's what I do what I do. Walking is a mind reset for me and something that I've become very fond of. Take tonight for instance. The weather was indecisive and I didn't want to get wet, (instead I got blown down the road! Oh well, that was interesting!)

Without looking for it, inspiration found me through was a fleeting glimpse of a brilliant rainbow. Rainbows are special to me, it's sort of a thing between God, Grandma and myself. It's been my "wink" since I was young. My Gramdma Ruth noted the connection and collected cute little rainbow mementos for me. Most of them are gone but the memories are still bright. I've seen rainbows at various times, seemingly out of nowhere without a drop of rain in the sky... (Yes, I know these are called sun dogs... please allow me to have my spin here!) Of course these are unplanned so I'm always a little surprised and instantly happy when I see one. I know that whatever I'm worried about at the time I see a rainbow, it will be alright. I've been worried about a couple of things ---and though I try to keep things in perspective there's can still be that raw, nagging feeling inside. I've completed the necessary steps so now...I wait and waiting is not easy. As I was walking along, attempting to say upright, I looked up and saw a glistening splash of color against the deep blue northern horizon. I got my confirmation, my "wink" thats what I've been worried about will be fine. 

I know my reason for doing what I'm doing. I don't know the results yet, I don't know when or even if things will pan out, but I don't have to. That's NOT my reason. Instead I shift my focus out and away from my worries and sometimes, like tonight there's an added bonus, a little treat to keep me moving. I'm watching for those now and I greatly appreciate such packages when they arrive. 

I encourage anyone reading this to get very clear on the reasons why you're doing whatever you're doing. While all of us have things to do, I can share it's much easier if we our values are in alignment with our actions. This is when we eventually see results. Is what you are doing positive and productive? Does it allow you to feel accomplished, confident and free? If the answer no, don't worry, just keep asking the questions and then follow where those take you. Pushing ourselves can be what is needed in the moment, but making a habit of that, as motivation may not yield the desired results. Being open, aware and willing to acknowledge those spots that are still in progress and celebrating the tiny moments of successful forward movement are what help build a foundation for positive changes that we're ready to experience. 

I'm not by any means an expert on self-help. I do know that we all have the ability to offer insight and inspiration to others, if we're willing to find it for ourselves. I think that is a key point. We have to know why we are doing what we are doing so that when we do it, we can recognize our efforts, celebrate our success and keep finding our rainbows. 

What I've lost has been a gain....

with  this clutter clearing thing. Getting rid of crap I don't need has opened up the space for me to see and appreciate more of what I already have.

I'm continuing on the path, though with the approaching holidays, I've taken a few detours to enjoy time with the kids, after all THIS is the entire reason for wanting a clean, neat, streamlined space.

We took a day trip on Sunday to gather a few, focused Christmas gifts. On Sunday, rather than attack my normal cleaning and organization route, we went to a nearby lake and hiked instead. Of course I could have dove into the last few disaster areas, but I figure they can wait a bit longer. A big part of getting rid of excess was to enjoy my life, without having to constantly launch house reclaiming projects. By maintaining, picking up and keeping things tidy during the week, I can coast for a bit on weekends. I've been keeping myself to a pretty strict routine: nothing on the counters at night, all items out of the dish drain, kitchen table clear, all laundry folded and put away, floors picked up, bed is made, nothing on the bathroom counters, closet is organized, clothes are hung up, all shoes are in the closet. I broke routine last night. We cozied up in the living room, watched a movie, laughed, and enjoyed our night together. It took me one night to get things lined out. One. Not a week or a month. One night and everything is back in order. This was something I only dreamed of a few months ago.

Sometimes it's good to break away, just for a bit. It helps counterbalance burn out. I've been following a pretty tight schedule and as a result, I've been efficient.  It's a fine line for me though, especially given the fact that I am "fluid" by nature and that I prefer not to have to follow a schedule. I'm embracing that more left-brained approach though because I do see the value in it. I see that getting up at the same time every day and having a morning routine does help feel as thought I am accomplishing more. I see that my body is naturally inclined to go to bed around the same time and yes, I may sleep better if I stay in such a routine.

It's been a little over a month since I started the clearing and I must say, I've greatly enjoyed the sense of freedom and clarity that has come through. Even though a lot of what I've gotten rid of wasn't visible, I'm still feeling the effects of the release.  One wouldn't think that old Country Living Magazines, books, papers, shoes, clothes and purses would have that much effect on someone's space, but I'm beginning to reconsider what it's done and what it is still doing for my life to let that stuff go. I've noticed a tangible "lightness" when I walk in the door. I've also noticed that I am much more clear and focused when I have a project that I need to complete. Of course there are many factors that direct and determine clarity and focus but I think having fewer objects around me makes a difference.

Here's the really cool thing and I do believe there is something to the idea that when you get rid of one thing, you make space for something else.  As I was going through each item, my focus wasn't to make room for material items. I have clear goals in mind that have absolutely ZERO to do with "things." I placed my focus on these aspects and went to work. I never know how things are going to show up in my life, especially after a decluttering rampage. I've been at this awhile now and anytime I've cleared out clutter and excess, there's always a BIG shift, I just never know what it will look like, what form(s) it will take. Sometimes there's upheaval too. That's disturbing at first, especially if I'm resisting the very change I've asked for. Once the smoke clears though, I can usually see the uprising was a good thing and that breaking down process was really a breakthrough...and life goes on.

I must say there have been some destructive aspects with the latest clutter clearing project. When we let go of things we don't need, it seems to give our lives permission to move ahead. If we've been stuck for a long time, this can seem like quite a jolt. Our possessions are imbued with memory associations so when we decide we're "done" and we get to the place that we're good with letting those things go, it's as if we turn on a light in a dark attic. We see things that we didn't notice before, we remember forgotten hopes, wishes, dreams. We suddenly have access to awareness, ideas and inspirations that were forgotten or maybe buried. When we declutter our homes, we really declutter our lives and our emotions. Perhaps this is why so many people are willing to live with excess. When we get really clear and real with our "stuff" we are facing down the barrel of past choices, right wrong, good, bad. We're the ones that have bought the items, or entered into the relationships or taken that job, bought the vehicle, had the baby.... we're now responsible for all of those past choices.
Seemingly "out of the blue" I received two checks. One was for a deposit that I'd made a long time ago and the other was for an item that I sold. I didn't worry about the money, in fact, I forgot about it. I focused on my goal of downsizing and decluttering and.... I feel as thought I've made space for more of what I DO want to have in my life, which includes $! (Yes, I gladly receive and accept it!)

Now, it did cross my mind to immediately cash these two checks and spend them on Christmas gifts for my kids. I haven't though. I've restrained myself. I love to buy for my kids. However, after spending the past two months going through all of the items that I've bought them, I am seriously questioning this idea. I've certainly noticed the panic that has risen to the surface when I thought, "Oh my Lord, I have nothing for them for Christmas!" It's true. I don't. I had an amazing adventure in mind for the following week of Christmas, one that included fun, food and motel rooms. That won't be happening now though, we've had a schedule change. They will be with me for Christmas and I'm SUPER excited. They also have no presents to open..... that doesn't exactly qualify me for "Mother of the Year".......

Or does it? What if we bypass the tradition of buying gifts? What if we do something entirely different? It's not like they don't have nice things or that they never get anything? Parker and Pryce both got new shoes last month. Pryce has new jeans (its NOT capris weather she tells me). All three of them received MHC basketball gear (no one wanted to wait for those items, it IS basketball season after all!)

I caught myself, just this morning, looking at items I could get them. I really had to hold off and STOP. I'll have to think about this because I don't want any purchases to be out of obligation. I really have worked hard to let go of so much stuff that I'm not in the mood to bring more in. I want the purchases I select to be meaningful and useful, but most of all I want our Christmas to center around connection, love, laughter and precious time together.

My idea of filling space has little to do with material items. My idea of freedom isn't to add additional  items or have to move or rearrange anything. I no longer wish to be constrained by items. I don't want to spend time organizing. There are SO many things to do, places to explore and experiences that I want to live totally unencumbered by STUFF.  I'm not there yet, but I am well on my way.

From the conversations I've had lately, I don't think I'm alone. Many of us are feeling the need to unburden ourselves, lighten the load, and truly live the lives we came here to experience. This has been an intense year, one of the most challenging I've experienced. I can see growth, even in the midst of change. I can clearly see where I've been, where I've wasted energy, time and resources. These have been valuable lessons and they've helped me get really REAL with myself. Where I am currently, where I'm headed next and ultimately where I want to be. There are many things that I want to change, shift and be done with. The fastest way to get there has been to be discerning with my energy, time, talents and focus. I've had to be brutally honest with myself and at times, this hasn't been easy. In addition to material items, I've let go of things, people and situations that also weren't supportive. My effort to lighten the load is paying off and yet, I'm not about to settle. There's a lot more to go. Loss can be hard to take, but it can also be very liberating. In what I've released, I've gained incredible insight, inner peace and strength.