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And We're Off!

I'm in search of a much needed environment change, attitude shift, reboot, refresh, rejuvenation vacation.

Like an old, faithful friend, we'll just pick up where we left off. Time is just a concept. Come along for my latest adventure, if you feel so inclined. 



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Choices

It's been one year and a day since a huge chunk was ripped from my heart. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss Carl. I spent all of 2017 trying to pick up the pieces and navigate through a destroyed heart. I never asked why. I feel that trying to find reasons is just pointless. Sometimes we get the "why" and sometimes we never do.

When Pake was diagnosed with NFP2, I didn't ask why. Again, doing so tends to lead one down a rabbit hole. He was born with the disease. We had a choice of how we would navigate those challenges. We also had a choice in the viewpoints we would take. I am wired to look for the lessons, the awareness and what is here now. That's all we really ever have. What's here? What's the next step? We keep moving forward.

There have been some really challenging lows this year. The only way up and out....was to go through whatever was thrown in my path. At times I thought I knew the direction I was going,  I was usually wr…

Spaciousness At Home

This was my house in October....

This was the laundry room


This is the upstairs, more piles...



Last October I dove into my space with the target of clearing out the piles. I used to binge clear. I would go for a time without doing anything and then all of a sudden, when I almost couldn't stand to walk into my space, I would declare war on the piles, sort, throw or keep. This was my method.

I've recently changed this. It sounds really simplistic and it is.... the missing link was establishing my priority of CLEAR. It's no secret that I think better, feel better and accomplish more when my space is neat, tidy and organized. I know this and yet I used my busy schedule and life style to justify why my home was usually in a state of disaster.

Why was it this way? Because even though I was continually weeding out clutter, I was not been vigilant about what came in the door. I had allowed items into my life to remain  past their points of contribution.

Clutter, people and life si…

Following the muse...

Today is the first day that I have even entertained the idea of doing something creative. Though I have taken timeouts from busy weekly schedules, I have yet to do much in the way of self-care, save reading a book. I will always have something to read. I have also been reading necessary and technical works by FAFSA and BCBS... if you know the acronyms, then you feel my pain! 
I'm still in a state of deep sadness/mourning and sometimes shock. I get through my days as best as I can. I've had plenty of distractions, both positive and otherwise. I'm seldom at a loss for "something to do" though what I usually crave is sleep. I'm not even ashamed to say that this past weekend I slept for a blissful 14 hours. I was far, far, far behind. 
In the midst of unpacking from the weekend, going through bills, trying to find the counter and listening to the rhythm of my children arguing conversing, I was inspired to STOP and color. To complete a large page is simply out of th…