Monday, May 1, 2017

Following the muse...

Today is the first day that I have even entertained the idea of doing something creative. Though I have taken timeouts from busy weekly schedules, I have yet to do much in the way of self-care, save reading a book. I will always have something to read. I have also been reading necessary and technical works by FAFSA and BCBS... if you know the acronyms, then you feel my pain! 

I'm still in a state of deep sadness/mourning and sometimes shock. I get through my days as best as I can. I've had plenty of distractions, both positive and otherwise. I'm seldom at a loss for "something to do" though what I usually crave is sleep. I'm not even ashamed to say that this past weekend I slept for a blissful 14 hours. I was far, far, far behind. 

In the midst of unpacking from the weekend, going through bills, trying to find the counter and listening to the rhythm of my children arguing conversing, I was inspired to STOP and color. To complete a large page is simply out of the question right now. I snagged a book of post cards a few months back, and today, I remembered those. I sat down and started coloring. 

I brewed our favorited Dragon's Eye Oolong tea, used the vintage tea set my mom got for me years ago (it survived the "Great Cull of 2016") and invited my children to join me. I'm really glad I saved this tea set. I don't use it during the week as often as I'd like. I find that I often put in to work when I come back into my home space. There's usually a bit of overwhelm when I am faced with unpacking and pouring myself back into a daily routine. It's not my favorite, but for now, it is necessary. Tea helps. Doing something with colors/markers and my hands helps too. 

I realized that I've actually had a lot of creative ideas and energies flowing through me lately. I just haven't done much in the way of capturing + follow through. I'm hoping to shift that, to create a wider space for the flow of creation. I have a ways to go in terms of requirements and family obligations. While I would love to think of summer as a vacation, one look at Parker's schedule reminds me that he's not the only one that is going to be "in shape." By choice, with maybe a bit of force, I'll be doing a lot of reviewing, editing, revision and recalibration. I have many things on my list in need of a make-over.

For today though, my simple victory was sitting down and putting pen to paper. I didn't finish the piece. I'm good with letting go of previous perfectionist tendencies that I have entertained. I think major life events have a way of helping us prioritize and know what actions are essential. I'm still finding my way. I'm taking all the time I need. In the meantime, I'll continue to follow the muse, adding color and personal touches where I can. 

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