Little Showers. Grief. Highlights

This has been tough week. Carl's birthday would have been Tuesday, March 27. He is greatly missed by so many. Grief is a complicated process and there's seemingly no end to it. I seem to swim on emotional tides, some very rough and treacherous, some manageable. The longing and loss never subside, it's constant. There are ways to cope with the pain. Each person is wired to handle it in her/his own way. I spent the day mostly in bouts of tears and sadness. I did my best to stick to a normal routine and to find the light that was poking through. I've found movement to be especially helpful. Though I received several invitations to forgo my walk, I persisted through the distractions. The long walked helped. I spent time with Parker shooting his black powder rifle and chatting with loves ones. I resist feeling so low and yet, I've learned not to fight it. Like the weather there are breaks in my low feelings. They roll in, stay for awhile and eventually they dissipate. I don't stay down as long as I used to. Walking and writing are two of my best therapies. 

I've slightly shifted the theme of my blog in conjunction with the fresh energies of Spring. I'll share more about that next week. I'll be following the theme of Lighten Up, which are the inspirations that come to me, Let It Go, which continues the theme of weeding/release and Grow, my word of the year and positive action steps I take to reach my targets.

This week's features:

Lighten Up: Typically I'm not for dreary days. I am always surprised to find out how much I miss sunshine and warmth. Winter is my least favorite season. I hate being cold and even more I despise the lack of color. Dead, dry, dense landscapes do not fulfill my soul. Spring isn't my favorite season either, but I've come to appreciate the lifting of the heavy blanket that is Winter. Green shoots of grass begin to poke up, more daylight hours are present and the sense of possibilities start to bloom. The hope of new experiences and trees with leaves get me through the drudgery of the frigid season. Tuesday was lovely, warm and sunny. Wednesday was the polar opposite. It rained a bit and the pre-April shower brought a smile to my face. I've forgotten how refreshing rain is. It smelled wonderful and was truly a source of light for me today.





Let It Go: Grief, in any form, is tough. It's a constant pain that never goes away. Sometimes it is heavy and more pronounces, at other times it is running on auto-pilot in the background. It's never gone though. One of the aspects that I am letting go of is how I should grieve or the right way to grieve. There are positive choices for dealing with pain and negative choices that are more self-destructive. I've experienced both. I've been working with with habit change techniques {I'll be sharing about that in a future post}. Instead of falling into old patterns and wallowing there, I made the conscious effort to shift. I incorporated walking, journaling and doing something new, shooting a black powder pistol. {Not to brag about what kind of "shot" I am, but ask Parker who nailed the water bottle!} I won't say it was easy, but it did get me through the day and night, into bed and some semblance of sleep. When I recognized the tendency to compare my pain levels to others and think, "I should......" I let that go. I stopped, made the shift and went in a different direction. Dealing with grief is entirely an individual choice. 




Grow: Perhaps it was because I couldn't sleep or maybe it was because I hit the end of my sleep cycle, but I got up at 4:30 and never went back to bed. I did my morning pages and then walked on the treadmill. My mind was in constant active mode the rest of the day. (There could be something to that wake-up time?!)  I've came up with some pretty cool ideas like this week's Growth step. I learned how to customize the "highlights" on Instagram stories. I connected it to the themes I am writing about here and tying it all together. It took several attempts and some creative thinking to get those little circles how I wanted them to look.  I am excited and pleased with how it turned out. Sometimes Growth does produce the desired effects, sometimes it is only in the attempt that authentic learning takes place. 






Here's to you finding what Lights you UP, what you can Let Go of and that your Growth is empowering and enjoyable.