New Skin

Part of my "Keep it Light" motto began with shedding a lot of layers during Spring of 2013. I felt such constriction and compression that at times I struggled to breathe. I had an inkling of how very much my life would change, though I had no vision of where I would be this day. I was very present to the process of shedding, even when it hurt. As I look back, even in the lowest of times, I knew I had a purpose and a reason for being here.

I've noticed that when I coach clients in the process of letting go of material excess, there is a deep-seated pain that can accompany the purging process. It feels overwhelming, heavy and sad. It doesn't have to though. It's the accumulation of all the memories, opinions, judgments and beliefs around that items that makes it hard to part with. It's usually never the item itself.

Recently a dear friend of mine and I were having a conversation about buying less. Neither of us were in the mood to shop and nothing was all that appealing. We both came to the conclusion that we are much more into "experiences" rather than "stuff". As I walked through an REI store (a previous favorite with shoes + clothes + backpacks!) I found there was nothing that I needed. I have the money to purchase whatever I want, so this doesn't come from a perspective of lack, it comes from a place of being totally fulfilled. I'm not looking for the image that a material item can give me. I've let that habit go as well.

While shedding has previously been focused on reducing the amount of objects and clutter, I've come to an even more expansive definition; it's the letting go of emotional entanglements and debris. Although that shouldn't be difficult and it shouldn't hold that much significance, I've cried more freaking rivers over hurt feelings than anyone else should in this lifetime. Goodness! I'm almost embarrassed at how bad I've felt, how hard I've fought and how much of an emotional quicksand abyss that I've let myself flounder about in. I suppose there's a part of me that wanted that experience and somehow got off on it. I am glad that there's a stronger part of me that finally got fed up enough to "call it" and say, "that's enough!"

I've had a lot of awareness coming to me, insights and view points that I wasn't aware of before. It seems that the more peeling back of layers that I am doing, the more clear and expanded my viewpoint becomes. I now know that I have a choice in wallowing in the past, hoping that certain "wrongs" will be "righted" or I can let that go, show up each day, and start over. Completely start over. Brand new.

This is a very powerful position. When we release who we were yesterday, all the thoughts, opinions, judgments against ourselves and others, insecurities, worries, fears, injustices, we are shedding heavy emotional baggage. Free space is created when a lot of letting go is getting done. That's where I'm at. My basic needs are met. I have a clearer idea of who I am, what I am about and how I can be of service to those around me, the world, the planet. I am grateful for my children, my family and friends. I am so blessed to have a roof over my head, a comfy bed, a car and food. Beyond that....... I haven't got a clue of what will happen next!

In that de-shedding process one of the things that I've let go of is "control". For the first time in my life, I am at peace with not being in control. (I'd like to thank the Universe for that big 'ol kick in the pants---I GOT THAT LOUD AND CLEAR!) I usually have an idea of where I'll be and what I will be doing, but there's a great deal of room for the mystery, fluidity and unplanned events that crop up. I do look ahead,I just don't stay there for long. I've mostly given up daydreaming and hoping for an ideal life, I don't think that such a thing exists. I have experiences that I am certainly creating and if they don't show up, I have faith that something even more amazing will show up.

I don't plan on anyone being in my life; I welcome everyone who chooses to be. There's no profit in planning on any certain concept, situation, relationship and experience in the future because the future is continually being reshaped in the present.

This is me letting go. It's been an interesting process to release those layers. I'm in a place where I can really stretch out and relax. I may still be "tender" at times, though I am more and more of ME, every day. I'm not here to follow along, to hope that someone rescues me or that everything will work out "perfectly." I know that wherever I am, is where I am supposed to be. I have strong faith that there are forces greater than I that are leading the way. I really don't know how this "new skin" will appear to those on the outside, I can say I am finally comfortable being in it.