I used to wonder what life would be like "at this age". When I was younger I didn't necessarily see 40 as being old because truthfully, age has never been related to a specific number. I have had few judgments pop up around the idea of "getting old". If they've stayed around too long, I investigated where the ideas/beliefs came from and always found they were concepts that I bought into, they were not mine. I kindly "returned them to sender with consciousness attached" (Thanks, Gary Douglas!)
I do not feel like I am old or young, I feel like...... ME. I am very grateful to be where I am today and more importantly who I am. Notice I didn't use the words, "who I am becoming". I am already that. I have arrived. I don't say that with vanity. There's been quite the struggle to excavate the real me and this past year certainly brought all that to a head. At times the project felt heavy, dense and confusing, at other times, freeing, empowering and enlightening. I have a wonderful and dedicated tribe of "Soul Scientists" that were in place to help me dig up the tools of forgiveness, faith, strength, truth, insight, awareness and choice. Like deeply buried relics, those tools and more seem to have been waiting for "just the right time" to be dusted off, reclaimed, polished and brought to the surface. I've used "knock off versions" prior to this year; now I know what those tools are REALLY about. They've been tested and strengthened under fire.
My personal armor was not so fortunate. It did not survive. It all melted. I no longer have a need to defend and protect. I'm willing to be vulnerable and sensitive and claim ALL the power and potency that I am. I've come to see that the "wrongness of me" is actually some my greatest, most empowering gifts. I am here to share with others how to expand one's view and appreciation of self, others and life lessons. All the places that you thought you'd made mistakes and messed up are most likely the gateways to creating a life you didn't even know was possible! Blame, shame, regret, guilt, anger, jealously......all of those are really distractions to who you are and what you came here to share and experience. The greatest self-abuse is to believe that it is impossible to change your life and to go on believing that lies that you've told yourself and others have told you. I urge you to take a good, long, honest look at where you are right now. The choices you make from here create the life you experience. Choice is one of the most powerful gifts we have on the planet.
I have much, much, much more to create here, I am just starting to put in place new foundational pieces for the empire I am building. I am calling in my "tribe" and those who are ready to create something different, something beyond what we've experienced thus far. This vision clarifies daily. There are no goals, intentions or conclusions. Every day is a new day and instead of me being the one directing it all, I just tune in and ask questions. I don't have to know the answers, my job is to follow the energy.
Today I am in a place of deep gratitude and reverence. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be HERE, to share my life and experiences with those I know and love and those I will meet. I am expanding and filling up every cell of my being with the vibrations of life, love, laughter and joy! I am reminded of the guiding word that came to me in January: SHINE. I am still exploring the concept and meaning and......I'm certainly enjoying the many ways it is acting as a beacon in my life.
Thank you, with all of my heart and appreciation for walking this path with me, dear ones! You are all such amazing contributions in my life and I adore each and every one of you. Thank you for the phone calls, text messages, emails and Facebook posts/messages. Wow!!! How does life and living get even better than this?!?!?
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